I will understand if you can no longer bear to be my friend after skimming through this post. As a warning to the fainthearted, I may come across as heartless or even, quite possibly, un-American. But keep in mind that my excitement leading up to seeing all three of these sites rivaled only that of Kristin Bell's sloth meltdown, with the significant difference being that my excitement did not result in cuddling with a sloth. Also, as you read, try...
