CLUB NARWHAL TURNS 5: ECLAIRS FOR ALL!

A few days ago Warren found my very first blog post and learned two things: 1) narwhals are truly amazing creatures full of whimsy and delight and 2) I started this blog five years ago. It's true. On February 25th, 2008, I nixed my angsty Live Journal account and started my own newfangled web log--as I believe they were calling it back then :)

I started this blog during my first foray into the adult world. It was--unlike my chaotic always-poor-and-stressed life--a fun place to discuss my love of all things Taylor Swift or Jason Bourne. Some of you might even remember the dawning of Tween Studies. Since then, I have graduated from grad school, met and married Warren, and moved (perhaps forever) to Michigan.

It definitely hasn't been the most consistent blog in the world but, considering all the major life changes that have happened in the last five years, it has certainly been one of the constants in my life. It got me through long, boring spells--such as when I sold fancy lotions to rich people or powered through a painful desk job by reading Michael Jackson's fan mail (though I'm pretty sure that was illegal...shh).

It is no surprise to me that I have lately taken to revitalizing the blog--mostly out of a desire to create stuff, even if it's something small like a fun printable. Though five years have passed since this project began, I find myself in similar circumstances: trying to find creativity and joy in the most mundane tasks (such as, ahem, office work). I'm glad for you, the few stalwarts who still keep up with life at Club Narwhal, and am excited to see what the next five years bring--with or without this here blog. So, without further ado, I give you a pretty easy and very tasty eclair recipe.

Eclairs are Warren's favorite dessert and we always put off making them because they seemed unduly complicated. And they are, kind of. But they are also much easier than we were expecting. If you have an hour to spare one of these days, do yourself a favor and make some eclairs from scratch. You will not be disappointed!

EASY-ISH ECLAIRS
*Adapted from All Recipes

• 1/2 cup butter
• 1 cup water
• 1 cup flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 4 eggs, beaten
• 1 egg, beaten (for the pastry egg wash)
• 1 package instant white chocolate or vanilla pudding mix
• 1 cup cold milk
• 2 cups Cool Whip
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 (1 ounce) squares semisweet chocolate
• 1 cup confectioner's sugar
• 3 tablespoons hot water

Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Combine 1/2 cup butter and 1 cup water in a saucepan and bring to a boil. Stir until butter melts then reduce heat to low. Add flour and salt. Stir until mixture forms a stiff ball (Playdough consistency). Remove from heat and add beaten eggs a little at a time, mixing well after each addition. 

Fill a plastic pastry bag (or a large ziplock bag) with the dough. Cut the tip off the bag and pipe dough onto a parchment paper covered cookie sheet. Strips should be about one inch wide and 4 inches long. We got about a dozen eclairs out of this batch. Lightly brush each eclair with an egg wash, smoothing out any bumps as you go. Bake at 450 for 15 minutes to get a nice crunchy shell. Reduce heat to 325 and bake for 20 minutes more. Shells should be light and sound hollow when tapped. Cool completely.

Combine the pudding mix, 1 cup of milk, and 2 cups Cool whip to make the filling. Spoon into a pastry bag (or ziplock) fitted with a cupcake filler icing tip (Wilton #230). Poke a hole into the side of an eclair shell and fill with pudding mix. Alternately, slice shell in half lengthwise and pipe in filling. Dip the top of the eclair in chocolate glaze (melt chocolate in 2 tablespoons of butter. Stir in up to 1 cup of powdered sugar. Add vanilla and hot water until the glaze is nice and thin). If you aren't eating it right away, you can add a teaspoon of corn syrup to the glaze to keep it nice and shiny. 

*Because I've so enjoyed waxing nostalgic, I'm curious to know what you were up to five years ago. What has changed since then? What do you hope will happen in the next five years?

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FREE PRINTABLE: DOWNTON ABBEY SEASON 3

Guys, I did it. I watched the last episode of Downton Season 3. All I can say is: tears. So many tears. I had to make a printable to express my grief (click the button below to download). Why, Julian Fellowes, WHY???

I know, I know. It was the only way. But still. Brutal. I hope we can all heal, together.

RIP, Matthew and Sibyl, RIP indeed.

*In an attempt to shake my mental creative black hole, my goal is to create a new printable every week. I'm sorry we had to start out on such a tragic note. But cheer up, Charlie, next week's printable involves something adorable. BOLO!

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READY IN 20: THE ANTI-WINTER AVOCADO MANGO CHICKEN SALAD

We are in the absolute bitter, soul-crushing throes of winter here in Michigan. To make up for the fact that I am not sitting on a beach in some tropical paradise, I decided to create the next best thing: a quick, fresh meal to help me battle the cold. 

Since the last thing I want to do when I come home from work is cook, I want to build up an arsenal of 20 minute recipes that are so easy I can make them on autopilot (AKA, my post-work stupor). So I present to you the first recipe of the bunch. It has avocado, mango, and chicken--a combo that can do no wrong. Plus it's relatively cheap and can be stretched into lovely lunch leftovers. Ready in 20, let's roll!

THE ANTI-WINTER AVOCADO MANGO CHICKEN SALAD

• 2 chicken breasts
• 1 avocado, diced
• 1 mango, peeled and diced
• 1 red bell pepper, diced
• 1/2 red onion, diced
• Juice of 1 lime
• salt and pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder

In a pot, cover chicken breasts with water. Add a pinch of salt and boil for 13-15 minutes, or until no longer pink inside.

While the chicken is poaching, dice the avocado, mango, bell pepper, and red onion into small chunks. Add the chopped cooked chicken and toss the whole salad in lime juice. Season with salt, pepper, and garlic powder. Serve the salad over spinach and/or quinoa. Makes 4-6 servings.

And that, my friends, is how you destroy winter. Bam.

P.S. Leftovers make great wraps for lunch. I like to use Trader Joe's spinach tortillas or a romaine lettuce leaf. I'm excited to make this salad in the summer with sweet corn and diced cherry tomatoes.

Looking for more quick meals? Check out other recipes in the Ready in 20 series such as Thai Turkey Burgers with Mango Sauce and Avocado.

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MICHIGAN MONDAYS: HAMTRAMCK DISNEYLAND

Behold: Hamtramck Disneyland. Just feast your eyes on this feat of engineering. Built by Dmytro Szylak--a 90-something-year-old Ukrainian immigrant--Hamtramck Disneyland is a wonder, a delight, and just a little bit creepy. As I mentioned in last week's Michigan Mondays post, this little roadside gem made me remember all over again why I love traveling. Whether it's abroad or in my own backyard (or, at least, Dmytro's backyard), seeing life from another perspective is just plain awesome. 

Dmytro began building Hamtramck Disneyland right after he retired from the GM plant, some 30 years ago. He needed, so he said, something to get him out of the house. He started building one thing and then didn't stop until he ran out of space. Dmytro invited us to explore his backyard (for a small "free donation" fee) and we jumped at the chance. Dmytro is clearly proud of his work and even went inside to retrieve a set of professional photographs a Californian photographer once took of the place. "You make pictures," he kept urging us, shuttling us about the neatly shoveled path that extended across the space. Along the way, he pointed out the best places to photograph, and which angles worked the best. 

Hamtramck Disneyland is indeed overwhelming in its detail, much like Heidelberg Project, and reminds me of the obsessive detailing found in James Hampton's The Throne of the Third Heaven of the Nations Millennium General Assembly. I would visit this piece daily when I interned at the Smithsonian American Art Museum and just marvel at the brain that thought it up.

The scale and imagination involved with each of Dmytro's interactive aluminum sculptures (some of them move and create scenes of people sawing wood and such) was only restrained by the size of his backyard, which is tiny. He told us that he stopped building things because he ran out of space. Still, sometimes something falls out of the sky and he tinkers away. A few months ago, Dmytro walked outside and found a large model rocket sitting on his doorstep. He doesn't know who brought it to him but it delights him. It took four men, he said, to lift the rocket to its current tabletop residence where it dutifully guards the rest of Dmytro's creations. We asked Dmytro why he built Hamtramck Disneyland and he simply said that he went to sleep and woke up with these images in his head. He wanted to make them come true.

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CLASSY CHICKEN: NIGELLA LAWSON'S SPANISH CHICKEN WITH ORANGES AND CHORIZO

Remember that friendly competition/writing contest Warren and I were doing? Bad news bears: Warren won. By one page. One! Of course he has since taken every moment to lord his win over me, which I have taken with about as much grace as a dancing lobster. He also had the audacity to abandon me on Valentine's Day to play basketball. In his defense, we had agreed a few weeks ago to celebrate the writing contest win/Valentine's dinner over the weekend, but please feel free to give him a lot of grief about that :) But since I am a true romantic, I was able to save the day with a bucket of the Colonel's famous (disgustingly delicious) chicken. It was the right decision on many levels. Don't judge. 

We tried to even out our white trash Valentine's with a classy chicken dinner tonight. Warren had only one stipulation for his writing contest winner dinner: mini potatoes. We love these teeny tiny ones from Trader Joe's but went with a mixed bag of red, Yukon, and purple minis. Nigella Lawson's Spanish chicken with oranges and chorizo may be the easiest and tastiest one pan chicken meal on earth. Seriously. So good! We used Jennie-O's Hardwood Smoked Turkey Sausage and it was divine. 

CLASSY CHICKEN WITH ORANGES AND SMOKED TURKEY SAUSAGE

*From Nigella Lawson

• Olive oil
• 6 chicken thighs and 6 chicken legs (bone in with skin--trust me)
• Salt and pepper
• 1 package Jennie-O's Hardwood Smoked Turkey Sausage (or chorizo)
• 1 bag baby potatoes, potatoes cut in half or in quarters
• 2 red onions, peeled and quartered
• 1 tablespoon dried oregano
• 2 teaspoons garlic powder
• 2 tablespoons orange zest
• 2 oranges, sliced into about 8 pieces each

Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. We want to roast everything to golden perfection and caramelize the veggies. Throw the chicken pieces in a bowl and drizzle with olive oil. Season with kosher salt and pepper. Use your hands (I know, it's super gross touching chicken skin but it will be worth it) to rub everything in. Lay each chicken piece on a parchment paper-lined rimmed cookie sheet (I used two pans).

In the same bowl toss potatoes, red onions, and oranges with olive oil, oregano, and garlic powder. Salt and pepper. Nestle around the chicken pieces. Roast for one hour. Halfway through, baste with any juice (I forgot to do this step and it still turned out great). Let the meat rest for ten minutes before serving. If you want to stretch the meal out, add a side of couscous. Can't go wrong!

______

On a final Valentines-y note, check out the adorable film my dear friend Patricia made for the 2013 Lonely Hearts Film Festival in Washington, D.C. The Good, the Bad, and the Eggly took home Best Picture and it isn't hard to see why. I love how Patricia was able to give inanimate objects such life. I'm also incredibly proud of this project because I helped write the script! Collaboration is the best. Harold will make your day in the best way:

Wherever and however you spent Valentine's Day, we hope it was lovely!

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FESTIVAL FRIDAY: CARNAVAL DE BINCHE

When I was a wee lass of 19, I studied abroad in France. I dutifully noshed on croissants, wore striped boat-neck Ts, and gazed existentially into the Seine River. For an angsty soul like myself it was heaven. But one of my favorite moments happened not in France at all, but in a quaint Belgian town called Binche. For centuries the town has held a pre-Lenten carnival that involves much merrymaking, drinking, and confetti throwing. 

Its piece de resistance is the Parade of the Gilles, traditional clowns that wear wax masks with green sunglasses, colorful jumpers stuffed with hay, and shake sticks to ward off evil. Because we kicked off the week with Fat Tuesday gluttony, AKA Paczki Day, I thought I would end with another Mardi Gras revel: Carnaval de Binche, a tamer relation to Brazil's infamous Carnivale. In fact, it is at this very festival that a drunk Belgian clasped his hands together and repeatedly bowed to me saying, in an awed voice, "Chinoise! Chinoise!" [Chinese Lady! Chinese Lady!]. I drowned my sorrows in no less than a dozen Belgian waffles and several cones of delicious frites. People, legit Belgian waffles are no joke. Same goes for their fries.

It is considered an honor to become a gille in Binche. Only men and boys who have grown up in Binche may put on the elaborate ostrich feather hats and fancy jumpers. Because gilles may only don their outfits for this single festival once a year, it is said that "a gille never leaves." This festival is one of the oldest in Europe and holds the great distinction of being a UNESCO "Masterpiece of the Oral and Intangible Heritage of Humanity." Totally fancy pants.

Did I mention that you get to throw blood oranges? Lots of them? So many that the streets run red with juice and pulp? It is, in every sense of the word, awesome. Technically, the gilles give blood oranges as a gift to the citizens and it is considered poor form to throw the gift back. But let's face it: when there are blood red oranges to be had, throwing ensues. Shopkeepers have learned to barricade their windows. 

Another thing you should know about Belgium is that it has a festival dedicated solely to cats. It is called, Kattenstoet. It commemorates a time in the good ol' days when cats were thrown from the church belfry and mock witches were burned. I dream of one day adding Kattenstoet to my list of Friday Festivals. Wouldn't you? On an unrelated note, it's kind of sad how little I have changed over the past decade, see proof below:

Other festivals I would love to attend: that tomato throwing festival in Spain (but not the running of the bulls) and Fringe Festival in Edinburgh. What's on your travel bucket list?

*Once a month or so, on a Friday, I will write about an awesome festival. Get psyched for notes on wonders like Hobo Fest, Tug Fest, Trek Fest, and more!

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NO BAKE CAKE BATTER & BROWNIE TRUFFLES

 

Have mercy. That is all I can say to describe the freakishly addictive, pop-in-your-mouth-by-the-handfuls truffles you see above. Whenever Warren and I make these, we always feel like we're in that I Love Lucy chocolate factory episode. For the record, he's totally Ethel. Don't judge.

These truffles have made me friends out of thin air. They make grown men and children alike giddy with sugary joy. And they are ridiculously easy. Since my work colleagues still talk about the batch I brought in last Valentine's Day, I made another to bring in this year. I expect a standing ovation, naturally. 

To spice it up, I added a devilish twist to my favorite no-bake cake batter truffle recipe and came up with--wait for it--Triple Chocolate Brownie Batter Truffles. I. Die. And so will you. Because there is butter involved. And chocolate. So much chocolate.

NO-BAKE TRIPLE CHOCOLATE BROWNIE BATTER TRUFFLES

• 1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 1 1/2 - 2 cups flour
• 1 1/2 cups favorite brownie mix
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 5-6 tablespoons almond milk (or regular)
• handful of chocolate chips
• chocolate almond bark*
• festive sprinkles

Beat the butter and sugar together using an electric mixer, about 1 minute. Add the vanilla and blend completely. Add 1 1/2 cups of flour (you may need to add 1/2 cup more if the mix is too runny), brownie mix, and salt. Mix until it turns into a dryish sandy texture. Add milk 1 tablespoon at a time until the mix becomes  the consistency of playdough. You may need to add a little more flour or brownie mix to get to this stage.

Roll into balls approximately 1 inch in diameter. Put in the freezer for 5-10 minutes. Please promise me to do this step, it makes dipping them so much easier. For realsies. Cover a tray in wax paper. Melt half of the chocolate almond bark in the microwave for 1 minute. Stir then heat in 30 second intervals until the blocks are melted. Dip truffles in the melted chocolate and place on the tray. Sprinkle! These guys set in no time and should be kept in the fridge. Makes about two dozen truffles and a slew of new best friends--if you are willing to share.

*Chocolate almond bark can be found in the baking section of your local market. It's usually by the chocolate chips.

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MICHIGAN MONDAYS: HAMTRAMCK & PACZKI DAY

With Fat Tuesday bearing down upon us, Warren and I spent a rare sunny Saturday in Hamtramck, Detroit's Polish district. According to the all-knowing source that is Wikipedia, Hamtramck was originally founded by German farmers. Polish immigrants flooded the area when Dodge opened a local plant in 1910. Today, Hamtramck is known for its lavish feast for gluttons, Pączki Day. Pączki are essentially enormous, delicious donuts filled with all manner of cream or fruit goodness. What could be wrong with that? 

In Poland's days of yore, pączki were made the day before Lent because it allowed the household to use up all the stuff you couldn't eat during Lent--lard/butter, sugar, eggs, fruit (pretty much all the delicious things in life). Hence, donuts! I am so behind any day that allows, nay, encourages, hearty consumption of fried sweets. Count me in, Hamtramck! While we celebrated Pączki Day a tad early, we were able to revel in style at the Polish Village Cafe. Um, hello, charming basement restaurant with all sorts of cozy things going on? This includes the kitschy Valentine's decor and its strong collection of vintage accordions.

 

Okay, so Polish food is not my favorite (nor the healthiest) in the world--one only needs to view the Polish Plate below to understand my misgivings--but it does have a few high points. Like, for instance, pierogi, addictive stuffed dumplings. I could eat these by the hundred. Also, I will never ever turn up my nose at a good sausage. And the Polish Village Cafe does a very fine kielbasa. 

 1. Pierogi 2. Kielbasa Sausage 3. Mashed Potatoes & Gravy 4. Sauerkraut 5. Stuffed Cabbage

The Polish Village Cafe was all well and good but the best thing about Hamtramck (at least for a roadside attraction fanatic like myself) lies just a few blocks away in an old Ukranian man's backyard. Since it is so unbelievably amazing, I am devoting an entire post to it for next week's Michigan Monday. Stay tuned!

*What is your favorite district to visit in your city? As you well know, our hearts belong to Detroit's Mexicantown for Taqueria Lupita's alone--but Hamtramck may be a close second.

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GETTYSBURG REVIEW & BELLINGHAM REVIEW

First of all: Winter, this has got to end. Second, Warren is making me do a "friendly writing contest" with him. The basic premise is that whoever writes the most of their book by February 10th gets to pick a multi-course Valentine's dinner that the loser will have to cook. Because I am incredibly competitive (at least with Warren) I am gunning to win. Visions of pan seared scallops keep dancing in my mind. 

Also, this contest has actually forced me to, well, write. Gasp. As such, I have been thinking a lot about my favorite Zbigniew Herbert poem, "I Would Like to Describe", and keep coming back to the second to last stanza. It so beautifully captures everything about the writing process for me. I used my new obsession, aka picmonkey.com, to create a visual image so I can hang the stanza above my writing desk. What do you think? The image is from the hauntingly gorgeous Hubble telescope. 

Finally, a few of my essays have come out in various forms. I am so very honored to see an old essay appear in the new issue of The Gettysburg Review. It's about math, infinity in particular, and other things like loss (naturally). Another essay came out a few months ago in Bellingham Review's Online issue. Click on the button below to check it out!

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