"I haven't seen a crocus or a rosebud,"

But I have been to the Iowa State Fair! Which we memorialized in a series of mortifying photo ops [Exhibit A]:

First things first: we definitely won a blue ribbon for our awesome chickens. And by "we" I mean the moon-faced boy below. His little banty was quite a looker, too.

We left the chickens to saunter down Main Street (literally, it looked like a small town's main street, only it was lined with fried food stands and golf carts) and stumbled across this gem--yep, this is exactly what it looks like. A goose herder.

Lucky for us, Main Street turned out to be the gift that just keeps giving. Like, for instance, the elderly couple holding hands while cruising in their matching electric wheelchairs.

And who could forget the heart attack (gotta love it!) known as fried candy??! Turns out you really need one bite of a fried Oreo to understand its true perfection.

There were also, inexplicably, bears:

And grandfathers plopping their startled grandchildren on the backs of giant pigs. Obviously.

We rounded out the 115 degree (at least that's what it felt like) with an Iowa Fair Classic/requisite--a pork chop on a stick! I don't know how to say this, but it was delicious. Don't judge.

And like any normal girl, I came home and started singing in my window sill, just like Margy in the hit musical State Fair.