Saturday Fail, Dark Sky Magazine Win!

Saturday, AKA: the best day of the week, is typically pure bliss. I usually sleep in while Warren plays basketball. But a few Saturdays ago, I was rudely awakened from my sweet slumber by a phone call. It was Warren who said something articulate like: "Uh, hey, I'm driving to the emergency room..."Because his finger looked like this:

Which doesn't look that bad, but here's what it looked like on the inside (ouch):

During his five hour emergency room stay, we did a lot of this:

Yep, we waited five hours for the doctor to take 0.3 seconds to put the finger back into place. About three hours in, I told Warren I would watch a YouTube tutorial and do the job myself and get us out of there no problem. Warren, oddly, declined my generous offer. So the true test of friendship: have you ever fixed someone's dislocated joint (or other injury)?

In other news, Dark Sky Magazine's very sad, very sudden last issue is graciously being hosted by the esteemed Barrelhouse Magazine. Barrelhouse is being a true prince in the hard knock world of literary magazines. DSM's Gabe Durham and company really knocked the issue out of the park. I am honored to be part of this farewell issue, alongside such wonders as Kristina Marie Darling's "Footnotes to a History of Correspondence."  Take a looksy over here.

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Top 5 Things to Do in Paradise

Fact: the photo below was not taken in some tropical paradise, even though it looks like one. Yes, friends, we went to the very exotic destination known as "America" for our summer vacation--Michigan's Upper Peninsula, to be exact. Once known for its booming copper mines, the UP (pronounced "you" "pee"--har har) is now riddled with ghost towns and shipwrecks. However, its utter isolation is actually one of its best features, as far as tourism goes. It is just one gorgeous white sand beach strewn after another.

 

Here are a few things to remember if you find yourself heading across Big Mac, the super long and kind of freaky Mackinac Bridge, to see the magic that is the UP.

1. You gotta stay in a town literally called "Paradise" and watch the moon rise. If time permits, wake early to watch the sunrise while Lake Superior gently laps at your feet. We relived our sunrise engagement, naturally :)

2. Drive to the end of the road to the Shipwreck Museum and take a long walk on the lovely driftwood beach.

3. Climb to the top of a dune. Marvel at the pristine blue of Lake Superior. I mean, really marvel here. How does this even exist? And why didn't I know about it before I moved to Michigan?

4. Take a leisurely boat ride through Pictured Rocks national lakeshore. Note "Indian Chief Rock." And the waterfall. And the amazing chemical reactions that produce the painterly strokes across the sandstone cliffs.

5. Decide to never leave, until you have to, then dream about returning pretty much every moment of your life back in the Lower Peninsula. Some fun facts: Yoopers (Upper Peninsula natives) call those who live below Mackinac Bridge "trolls." Hilarious. And no relation to Troll Village. Also, tourists who go to the UP for fudge are called "fudgies" (and yes, the fudge is divine). With this trip, we successfully completed #13 of our 101 Things list! Score!

This trip was one of the absolute highlights of our Pretty Cool Summer. What about you? How did you spend your summer vacation? Or, if you were stuck at home, where would you spend your dream vacation? 

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HOW TO MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WRITING FLUFF

1. Research "The Market"

2. Discover that the New York Times bestsellers list is consistently topped by inspirational animal books like Dewey the Library Cat: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World AND its hit sequel, Dewey's Nine Lives: The Legacy of a Small-Town Library Cat Who Inspired Millions. 

3. Bemoan the world that allowed these books to make millions of dollars because they had large photos of cuddly animals on their covers.

4. Have an A-Ha! Moment: Must write a nonfiction book that stars a cuddly critter doing inspiring things in the human world, thus bringing Mini Donkeys Take Manhattan to life.

5. Make a fellow MFA alum pretend to write above fake book with you and create an accompanying fake book cover and fake book blurb. It's just so crazy that it might work!

Thus, I present to you what has been at least three years in the making, a sure fire plan that will rake in the moolah in no time flat. I mean, just take a look at the future book cover. It's fail proof!

"Just when everyone, including every MFA graduate in existence, thought that an MFA in nonfiction writing was useless, this sparkling, poignant, debut emerges from the ashes to change your attitude, your life, and--yes-- even the world: MINI DONKEYS TAKE MANHATTAN.

Written by two gifted alumni of the University of Iowa's Nonfiction Writing Program, Lina F. (originally from Argentina) and Amy S., this moving collection of photo essays documents a herd of mini donkeys as they navigate the cruel, cold streets of Manhattan. 

Follow young Cupcake, Sprinkles, and Fred, as they lead their innocent herd to famed sights, such as the Empire State Building, Chinatown, and Central Park. As you watch them nibble on treats from Magnolia Bakery and scamper in the autumnal landscape of the city's parks, your heart will melt and you will understand the precious, fragile, vulnerable, essential beauty of the human--and animal--condition: a beating heart."

You're so in, am I right? So, if you could make your millions by writing an inspirational animal book such as Dewey the Library Cat or Mini Donkeys Take Manhattan, what would be your animal and how would it inspire the world?

*Fake book inspired by and dedicated to Sunbun, the cutest mini donkey I know.

**THIS JUST IN: MERYL STREEP IS GOING TO STAR IN THE DEWEY MOVIE!!!!! Best tip ever from Kendra. Meryl Streep, people! Seriously.

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Top 3 Most Underwhelming Roadside Attractions

I will understand if you can no longer bear to be my friend after skimming through this post. As a warning to the fainthearted, I may come across as heartless or even, quite possibly, un-American. But keep in mind that my excitement leading up to seeing all three of these sites rivaled only that of Kristin Bell's sloth meltdown, with the significant difference being that my excitement did not result in cuddling with a sloth. Also, as you read, try to conjure up your most disappointing encounter with an American treasure. There will be ample time to share. 

3. Troll Village, Wisconsin.

Here's the thing: The Village of Mt. Horeb is absolutely darling. Gingerbread houses, covered pavilions, general Midwest niceties every which way. But if you're going to call yourself "The Troll Capital of the World" and have a literal Trollway (aka, Main Street), I need you to really troll yourself up. For instance: toll trolls, under the bridge trolls, a bevy of troll dolls doing people things in a model town exhibited at the local museum--and I'm just spitballing here... But Mt. Horeb's troll village is basically just a few artfully placed wooden trolls. Yes, they are adorable and greet you in front of the major municipal buildings and adorn signage. But, and perhaps my expectations were too high, Troll Town, USA really let me down. It didn't help that I was expecting something more along the lines of this:

Magical Super Trolls! A thing to note: "Horeb" may mean either "glowing/heat" or "desolation as after a mighty battle." Discuss.

2. Wall Drug, South Dakota.

Charming billboards that lined the what seemed like 3,000 miles of South Dakota aside, Wall Drug was just, well, lame. A frontier shopping mall. A place where traveling folks may stop for a free glass of water, or five cent coffee. It was purchased by a man named Ted Hustead in 1931. Mr. Hustead bought it mainly because of its main attraction: "It was in the middle of nowhere." He wondered why business was so slow. Then his wife, Dorothy, a budding entrepreneur herself, said why not advertise free ice water to the tourists making their journey to Mt. Rushmore, a recently opened tourist trap 60 miles west of Wall Drug. Business began to boom and Wall Drug installed 500 miles worth of self-promoting billboards and the rest is history. They also have a giant jackalope, which should have astounded us but sadly, after 500 miles of Wall Drug anticipation, we were left annoyed and underwhelmed. Sorry, Wall Drug, you are so not, as you overzealously claim, "America's favorite Roadside Attraction," at least not in my book. 

1. [Drum roll please....] Mount Rushmore!



GASP! I know, right? How can you be underwhelmed by a massive granite sculpture of not one, not two, but FOUR presidential heads of state? Did I mention that it's on the side of a mountain? And each face stands 60 feet high? Impressive, for sure. But why did it have to look so small from way down on the ground? And, more importantly, where was the vault? I was ruined by the movie Richie Rich, and the tantalizing mountain chase across the family vault, Mount RICHMORE. Get it?? "Man, it must be COOL to have everything!" One day, Mount Rushmore, maybe you will be as cool as Young Richie. Now, friend, do tell me your worst or most underwhelming encounter with the world's vast treasures.

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The Cherry on Top

So it's decided: Warren and I are going to move to Sleeping Bear Dunes and open a B&B called "The Cherry on Top" (because MI's lower peninsula is obsessed with cherries). We're going to build it on this tree-filled hill that overlooks Lake Michigan and the glowy, lovely dunes. Don't worry, there will be a zip line through the forest to the lake and hearty breakfasts and desserts topped with cheerful maraschino cherries. This, of course, is how we'll make our millions. Oh, and it will also be a writer's retreat! But until that dream becomes a reality, we'll have to settle on reliving the magic through photos.

The second my dear friend Kendra said she was coming to visit, I started Googling like a mad woman, which is how I stumbled across The Cherry Hut. First of all: ADORABLE!! Second of all, it has a mascot! Cherry Jerry! And yes, I would vote for him for president.

Next, we hopped into a canoe and paddled (well, mostly Warren and Kendra paddled, I lounged :) out to Lake Michigan. I mean, really? Does it have to be so ridiculously beautiful? We could have stayed there forever. We also saw what we think was a muskrat. Though it might have been an otter. 

Or a water-loving ferret.

But the most spectacular view of the Lake happened during the scenic drive. It felt like we were perched on the end of the world sitting on top of that dune. It dropped in a sandy cliff 400+ feet (essentially, a 40 story building) to the lake below. Warren decided the best idea would be to scamper down those 400+ feet. It took him 30 minutes to climb back up but was well worth it. 

We saw the Warning sign a tad too late...oops!

Yes, Good Morning America, this really is "The Most Beautiful Place in America" (caveat: if you've never been outside of the Midwest). But it is truly stunning.

Oh, and we also saw the world's largest cherry pie pan in Traverse City. Warren was super pumped. 

More on the magic of Kendra's visit later!

*PS: This trip let us sail right through two items on our 101 Things in a 1001 Days!

1     14.   Visit Lake Michigan beaches       

15.   Explore Sleeping Bear Dunes   

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Karaoke Win

According to my extensive Wikipedia research, there are 35,684 "song rooms"--or private karaoke rooms--currently operating in South Korea. Everyday 1.9 million Koreans sing their hearts out to a room of their nearest and dearest. In Ann Arbor, Michigan, there are currently two operating song rooms visited by at least four people in a given night. And yes, those four people were me and three friends. 

Stephanie's sole (to my knowledge) birthday wish for her celebratory girls' night out was to karaoke for the first time. Her wish was my command...

...if by "karaoke" she meant to gather in a tiny private room above a nondescript Korean cafe while belting out terrible (by which I mean awesome) songs as song lyrics bounced along a flat screen TV that simultaneously broadcast a series of tragic Korean dramas that were completely at odds with our cheerful karaoke songs. In short, it was amazing. 

 Let's just say that there was a tambourine involved. And diva hands.

  And yes, even the Macarena. 

Well done team, well done. We discovered that the best karaoke song of the evening was, hands down, "That Thing You Do" (I dare you not to sing along to that, so catchy!). We even scored a 99/100 on that one (this karaoke place scores how well you do on each song, Rock Band-style). Have you ever been karaoke'ing? If so, what is your go-to song? My shortlist = Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" or Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline."

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The Ultimate Fail

This weekend we went on Warren's idea of the The Best Date in the History of Dates, i.e.: a professional ultimate frisbee game. Yes, folks, you heard me. Professional Ultimate Frisbee. Though it may sound like an oxymoron to many, to Warren it was paradise, as proven by the following photo where he has become possessed by Ultimate fanaticism:

Now I have nothing against Ultimate, per se, but I do think it's kind of ridiculous, generally speaking. Warren, on the other hand, could not stop advertising the fact that we were going to a "pro game" to pretty much everyone we spoke to. Of the 25 odd people he invited to the "pro game," a whopping 0 accompanied us. We pulled up to the Silverdome, former host of the Detroit Lions, Pistons, and an N*Sync concert back in the day, and discovered that it bore an uncanny resemblance to the abadoned lots peppered throughout Detroit. Welcome home, Ultimate Frisbee fans, welcome home. 

 Because of the few cars, the weed-infested pavement, and general look of disrepair, we thought that we had a) arrived at the wrong venue b) arrived on the wrong date. Turns out we were wrong on both counts. Indeed, we were right where we belonged. Strolling into the cavernous stadium, we were greeted by a sea of empty seats. In its heyday, the dome accomodated literally 80,000+ fans. Now, as the official home of the Detroit Mechanix Ultimate team, it comfortably sat about 50. 

I'm sorry to say that the losses were abundant at this "pro game," not the least of which included the Mechanix's ultimate loss at the hands of their Kentucky rivals, the Bluegrass Revolution. But there were also the "professional" cheerleaders to take into consideration, who put on a halftime show of about two and half minutes to the Footloose theme song. Impressive. 

The sole win of the evening? Meeting Rusty the Wrench, the Mechanix's mascot (naturally). Oh, and I also got some French fries and saw a guy that looked strikingly like my little brother (front of the line):

Thanks, Rusty! But at least Warren left a very happy camper. And we can cross "pro ultimate game" off of our bucket list. Just in time too, as this was the last game of the season (and, from the unfortunate looks of things, the last of the league's short-lived existence). Go, Mechanix!

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