At this rate I'm doomed to fall in love with Iowa over and over again

In 193 A.D. the Praetorian Guard put the Roman Empire up on the auction block. In 2008 A.D. Sharpless Auction effectively put Iowa City up on the block. Some may scoff--what could Iowa City possibly have to auction off--but let me tell you about some of the treasures that the fair folks of IC loved:

1. Knick-Knacks Type 1: If it's palm-sized, glazed, and preferably made of some sort of 70s-era cut glass it will sell in two seconds flat. And I mean, wham bam thank you ma'am fast. It will also pull in the big bucks--I saw an entire fleet of mason jars go for three whole dollars!

2. Knick-Knacks Type 2: You know that box that sits on the highest, dustiest shelf of your garage? The one that is filled with frayed bits of rope, doll appendages, beat up tin canisters, and a few nutcrackers? Well get that bad boy to Sharpless--STAT! We obtained two full tables of such boxes for $1 today. This needs to be emphasized: TWO FULL TABLES FOR A SINGLE DOLLAR. Why in the world would we want all that? If not for the gorgeous Envoy typewriter (the sole reason for the purchase--it was sold as a "package"--I picked up a whole lot of auctioning vocab as you can tell), then absolutely for the squirrel-hugging-an-acorn salt & peppa shaker set and let us not forget the calendar from 1976 with a smaltzy soap star on the cover, the sturdy wicker basket filled with gems like an embroidered chicken ornament and a needle cozy.

3. Yard ornaments: Any and all. Stag caught in mid-leap, dainty fairies, earnest ducks...you name it and Iowa is guaranteed to pledge its undying love.

4. Broken electronics: These are hearty farmer types with beards, overalls, checked shirts, and beat up work boots. They down the popcorn sold in red and white striped bags in fell swoops. They order the pie heaped with a foot of whipped cream and wash it down with Orange Crush soda. They have tattoos, weathered faces, and grease-creased wide-billed caps. You can bet your bottom dollar they know how to fix a Discovision laser disk that broke shortly after it was purchased in 1978. And don't even sweat the TV without a screen, antennae, or dial. These are people I need to know.

I bid my little heart out and left the proud owner of a sexy (but extremely functional) wrought-iron rosette deck table & chair duo. And that squirrel-hugging-an-acorn set? Well, let's just say that I've never felt so proud to walk into my house knowing what joy I will bestow upon my countertop. The best part--it was free! They just let you take stuff that does not auction (though I am not sure how this treasure escaped IC's deft, probing auction eyes).

Jealous?

If you weren't before...