the blessed saint who 1) thought of 2) created and 3) posted the following image on telephone poles:
(thank you megruth for showing me the light!)
(thank you megruth for showing me the light!)
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Monday, 26 January 2009
This is Seth. I don't know him but he seems pretty off the hook. Tonight I wish Seth was on my raquet-volleyball team. We would have dominated. Plus he definitely would not have forgotten to wear his lucky sweatband (though I certainly did--I don't know why I'm surprised about the outcome... :).
Raquet-volleyball is pretty self explanatory. It's generally played when all the volleyball courts are taken at the field house so you have to play on a raquetball court. This is awesome because you can really punch the ball hard and send it zinging around the room like a pinball. This is sad because it's a pretty small room and those punches are pretty fast and don't feel super awesome on stubby sausage fingers like mine.
This is an old guy. I also don't know him but I'm fairly certain that if Seth couldn't come, he'd be my second choice.
Speaking of ice floes, when I was in Gainesville I watched this amazing thing on the Discovery Channel. It's a pod of killer whales using actual warfare methods (rushing the ice floe to make a big wave to knock the seal off). It's insane to see how well they work together. Also, the cameraman's narration is pretty spectacular.
Sunday, 25 January 2009
It snowed all night. But it was the light fluffy kind that is good to eat with syrup frozen across it. I find this type of snow to be bearable and very pretty...unfortunately today it blinded me with its beauty. It just looked so safe and soft! Since it's Sunday I was in a dress (sans tights) and the only appropriate footwear (i.e., somewhat snow resistant) I could find were my cowboy boots. Turns out those things don't have a lick of traction, which I found out the hard way when I was wiping the snow off my windshield and marveling about how it sparkled as it floated in the air. Just as I was turning to tell Nicki about how sparkly it was, my non traction boots made head on contact with something that resembled, upon closer inspection post-bail, an ice floe. I was one magnificent swoosh in the air and then I was lying face down in powdery snow laughing raucously. I lurched myself to my feet, tried to shake off the layer of snow, claimed untruths like, "I'm fine! I'm fine!" and got into the car. When I looked down I noticed that my glacial run-in had left a pretty big gash and that the gash was spurting an awful lot of blood. Luckily Nicki had a tissue. Moreover, I got a lovely neon orange bandaid out of the catastrophe, which almost makes up for the fact that I can't put too much weight on my left leg!
A friend listed my mishaps of the week and we were both left stunned and amazed:
1. Deaf (i.e. insanely plugged) left ear
2. Massive heating bill
3. 21 students (I wanted, like, 14)
4. Lost winter coat
5. Flat tire
6. Hypothermic toes
7. Gashed knee
8. Banged up femur
9. Swelling sac under patella
10. Consumptive-sounding cough
11. Accompanying sore throat & frog voice
12. Negative degrees
Saturday, 24 January 2009
Yesterday night I pulled out of my driveway only to discover (a little late, since my music was pretty loud) that I had a completely busted back tire. (But let's be honest, if it hadn't been for those sorority girls who kept honking at me until I finally rolled down my window in exasperation I probably would have driven on it for days.) I haven't had a flat tire since I was maybe 16 but I did know that I was not going to unload the 75 pounds of books that are still in my trunk from when I drove my sorry self out West from DC nearly six months ago. Unfortunately my spare tire is underneath said 75 pounds. That is when I phoned in reinforcements. I was picked up, given homemade pie, and allowed to play Atari (fitting, as I seemed to have reverted to being a five-year-old girl incapable of changing my own tire). And at the end of the pie and Atari, and even though it was negative degrees and my toes were going hypothermic in my very impractical flats and it was nearing 2 a.m. and everywhere there was snow, ice, and darkness, a buddy drove me home wearing his headlamp with the camo band, took his own Honda spare donut out of his trunk, jacked up my car, and changed my tire with his bare hands. And this, folks, is why I love Iowa.
But the question remains: Did Jiffy Lube Man intentionally sabotage me so I would return? The answer to follow after our rendezvous this morning!
PS: What evening with students is complete without a YouTube treasure? Witness:
Disturbing? Or the Most Amazing Thing You Have Ever Seen?
Friday, 23 January 2009
My first show aired today from 7-10 AM (and will continue to do so every Friday morning at 89.7 KRUI). Minus a few debacles-- such as 1) accidentally playing a curse word 2) having to cut Bowie's oh! you pretty things short because I forgot there was a curse word in it and 3) accidentally leaving my mic live for two songs--thus, airing a sort of frantic phone call to the operations manager because I couldn't hear any music in the studio monitor--things went really well. It's pretty fun to play around with DJ voices, too. The one that got the most use was low and sort of sultry...it's hard to muster anything else that early in the morning.
Also, since my 2009 game plan includes loose gestures towards Becoming An Adult (thus, the oil change), I'm attempting once again to get things published. The Iowa Review runs a website featuring daily previews of various artists and Jenna, its lovely editor, graciously accepted a short (very odd) piece I wrote a long while ago. You can find it here: The Daily Palette. In other news, it's supposed to be 9 degrees tomorrow. Sledding might be a no-go.
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
Occasionally I attempt to be an adult, often with little to no success. But yesterday proved to be a turning point: 1) I went to work 2) I did work for 5 consecutive hours 3) I got an oil change on my way home from work. Totally grown up, right? What's better is that while I was getting my oil changed I also became a grown man's object of desire!
It happened like this: [Jiffy Lube man entering my information into the computer, me awkwardly standing by his elbow trying to remember my license plate number]
Jiffy Lube Man: "This is your number, yes?"
Me: "Um..."
JLM: "No worries, I will go check for you."
Me: [Relieved, nodding]
JLM: "It is not." [Looks me up and down] "Can I just say something, and I do not want it to be uncomfortable in any way because you see I am a married man" [my heart drops as he looks me soulfully in the eyes] "You are just so...damn...beautiful!"
Me: [enter awkward smile here]
JLM: "No really, I mean it." [Takes a step back to examine me in full then snaps his fingers while his eyes light up.] "Yes! I know! It is because you smile with your eyes!"
I think it also helped that, after one full month of living out of my suitcase like a hobo, I finally addressed the finer aspects of grooming. Like, say, washing my hair, wearing clean clothes, and putting on actual make up. Just a few tricks of the trade...
But thanks, JLM! With my new boost in confidence I feel ready and willing to take on the world!
*Bonus: JLM knocked five whole dollars off of my ticket!
Monday, 19 January 2009
Thursday, 15 January 2009
So a few months ago my university sent out a mass email calling for radio DJ applications. It was late and dreams of sweet tunes spun around my head so I logged into the site and sent my application into oblivion. I have always harbored this secret dream of being on the radio--in any form, really--and I figured why not give it a go? And friends, I am living proof that good things happen when you respond to mass emails: I found out yesterday that I am going to be Keeper of the Music every Friday morning!!! My idol Nic Harcourt, the former host of KCRW's Morning Becomes Eclectic, would be So Proud!
Now for my plea to you: If you could wake up to any three songs, what would they be and why?
Now for my plea to you: If you could wake up to any three songs, what would they be and why?
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
while there was magic a-plenty in DC, there was one moment that took the cake. and that was when i got to stand in front of a window peering into a small room decorated with rocks, bamboo, and a mural of hazy mountains to see a real. live. PANDA. EATING. BAMBOO! mind = blown.
toddler panda consuming 50 pounds of bamboo sysematically = tru luv:
dan, alan, and jon were perfect gems, letting me ooh and aah for as long as i wanted, perhaps even getting minorly excited about seeing that precious little bear.
oh, and we got to the great apes house just in time to see a two hour old baby gorilla being cradled in its mother's arms.
i so fully love DC.
toddler panda consuming 50 pounds of bamboo sysematically = tru luv:
dan, alan, and jon were perfect gems, letting me ooh and aah for as long as i wanted, perhaps even getting minorly excited about seeing that precious little bear.
oh, and we got to the great apes house just in time to see a two hour old baby gorilla being cradled in its mother's arms.
i so fully love DC.
Sunday, 11 January 2009
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
1. friendly customer service!!! with their committed and outgoing staff, chinatown bus should be your only choice for travel! the first thing they do when you enter their industrial-chic "space" (colloquially known as a "waiting room") is stare at their fingernails or at a stack of papers! then, after watching you from the corner of their eye for 15 minutes--AND if you show no outward sign of impatience/aggravation/aggression--they will wave a hand at you indicating that you should (wordlessly) slide your reservation paper across the counter! so easy! so fast! why go any other route!?? *TIP: do not look them in the eye or the at the clock! the key is to appear as detached and unemotional as possible!
2. Comfy seats!!! sporting cozy seats decked out in the hottest early 90s geometric trends, you almost forget that you're sitting next to a person three times your body mass (and who conveniently take up 1.75/2 seats!). not to be fooled by the facade of "luxury" first class airplane passengers struggle with whilst lounging in their phat leather reclining Lazy Boys, chinatown's roomy 16" seats come in pairs so that you are 1) never lonely and 2) able to honestly deal with your personal space issues--it's like getting a FREE SHRINK for the price of 1/4 of a seat!!!!
3. awesome passengers!!! who said children should be seen and not heard!?? a few love-starved cynics, that's who! well, never more. on chinatown bus, you will be privy (in such an intimate space) to all of the screeches, yowls, and bodily functions of not 1, not 2, but AT LEAST a dozen small children! not only that, but for the price of your $15 dollar PAIRED SEAT, you will also get to experience ADENOID ORCHESTRAL FOR FREE (more about that later). the real treat is the schizophrenic you'll undoubtedly sit in front of--yes, you know the one! that charming fellow with the vodka bottle, bouts of inexplicable rage, creepy mutterings under his/her breath, and a penchant for yelling at other passengers for no reason other than they tried to use the restroom! SCORE!
4. back of the bus wisdom!!! mourning the loss of your village sage? look no further than chinatown bus! besides creeping out everyone around him, the schizo will dispense pearls of wisdom such as: "you can Be More in B'more, you know?" to which it is customary to nod your head (NOTE: don't make eye contact. whatever you do, DO NOT make eye contact) and say something noncommittal like, "oh?" or "i know." that schizo is the gift that keeps on giving!! *BONUS: if you're really lucky, that same schizophrenic will hover above you waiting for that exact moment when you are about to fall asleep to snap his fingers next to your ears or erupt in a series of sharp smacks, aka "clapping"!!! such a treasure!!
besides all of the previously mentioned amenities, you can look forward to snoring that sounds like a man drowning and caught on fire simultaneously!!! and let's not forget the crates of "juan pedro live frogs" that the workers will pull out by the hundreds after you disembark!!! what more could you want from a bus. think of it: you, 50 people you will soon call your BFFs, the open road... doesn't that smell a little something like bliss? so come on down to chinatown bus, where fun-time never ends and good company never dies!!!!
[note: it feels ridiculously good to be back in DC. for serious.]
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