Jalapeno Holla

It started out well enough, my foray into the intricate world of jalapeno/green onion cornbread. It was Superbowl Sunday. My supper group was coming over but since we don't own a TV that works, I thought I'd try to at least recreate Superbowl Atmosphere. That meant, of course, chips, salsa, chili, cornbread (and a homemade plum tart, because what Superbowl Sunday is complete without a little Martha Stewart?) So while the Steelers were busy running circles around the Cardinals for the first quarter, I followed my recipe exactly. That meant 3 Tablespoons of chopped jalapenos.

I don't know if you are aware of this fact but jalapenos are spicy. Actually, let me be precise: they're mean little suckers that can (and will) blister any bare skin they touch. I found this out the hard way. What happened is that I finished de-seeding the things, chopping them up into cute little pieces, washing my hands, etc., etc. Then I made the apparently life-threatening decision to wipe my mouth. 0.5 seconds after contact my lip started swelling like Macauly Culkin's face in the hit movie My Girl. It was funny at first, until it started blistering (about 2 seconds after contact). Literally.

Here are some things that don't help jalapeno burns:
1. Water (the capsaicin does not dissolve in water. I repeat: does not dissolve in water.)
2. Frozen peas still in their package.
3. Frozen potato bits clamped over burned area
4. Milk (the internet doctor lied)
5. Yogurt (because who doesn't like smearing yogurt about one's face?)
6. Tears
7. Panic
8. Talking about burned area
9. Ice water (see number 1)
10. Rubbing alcohol

Here is what does:
1. Carmax
2. Nerves of Steel

*Also, don't worry, the cornbread came out like a dream come true!